Long Overdue Update!

I am officially the worlds worst blogger. It has been forever since I updated and sooo much has happened. Don't get excited- I don't have any exciting announcements to make. Only more dissapointment as usual. In November we finally got to do our first IUI. I was convinced it worked- I did not have one doubt in my mind. So you can imagine how devestated I was to find out that it didn't. BFN! :( I took it really hard and I'm still really struggling with it! We just got through Christmas and I found it hard- I feel like I'm in mourning or something. Its just ridiculous. I know I'm over reacting and should relax but I just can't!
I was convinced I was going to give my inlaws the greatest Christmas present ever this year. I imagined it a million times and knew exactly how I would do it. Tears swelled up in my eyes on Christmas morning when they opened their digital picture frame. They loved it but I knew they would love my initial plan a million times more. I'm tired of feeling like I dissapoint everyone.
We are going to try again. I am on my last week of birth control and waiting for AF to arrive and then its game on.
I'm lucky to have the support of my loving husband as always and my bff/cousin. She is supporting us in every way possible and I appreciate it so much. She is pregnant and I couldn't be happier for her. I am sooo excited to have a new little baby in our family! (and yes I really an excited- if I wasn't I could say it because she doesn't read this blog.)
Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers (if u are the praying type.) I really really want this to work this time!!!
Happy Holidays!

I had given up on this blog but a good friend that understands exactly what I am going through has inspired me to keep it going. It will be such an awesome feeling to look back at the struggles that don't matter anymore once we are finally holding our baby in our arms.
I have not made much progress since my last update. I did finally have my hysteroscopy even though I did not stop bleeding in time for my next appointment. The doctor did use a vacum to clean out my uterus so he could see everything that he needed to check on and yes it was as fun and as comfortable as it sounds. My poor loving, wonderful and amazing husband sat beside me holding my hand while they did it. He is my rock! On the days that I feel like my world is falling down around me he is the one strong wall that holds me up! I am the luckiest girl in the world and I know I should be happy with that yet I still have that empty place in my heart and the feeling that something is missing! I get so excited when I think about the day we finally get to hold the missing piece of our little family- I can only imagine how amazing that will be.
After the hysteroscopy and biopsy we finally got the go ahead for our iui and I was ridiculously excited. Unfortuneatley there have been some set backs so far and of course I am dissapointed but I am not loosing hope. THe first month my iron was very low so I went on birth control for a month and took as much iron as I could handle. THe next cycle came and my iron levels were fine but the clinic realized they forgot to do our bloodwork required for iui. We got the bloodwork done but when the next cycle rolled around they realized that they forgot one test. Finally, this cycle we were ready to go. I went for my day 3 ultrasound Wednesday but it didn't go as planned. Dr R saw something in my uterus that he thought may have been a polyp. I felt and still feel so crushed. I don't know why but the thought never crossed my mind that the appointment wouldn't go smoothly. I have to go back for another ultrasound to see if it is still there and if it is I will have to have it removed. I will keep my head up because I know that this is just one small bump in this road and I am hoping we will be ready to do the iui on my next cycle.
I know if one positive thing comes from this infertility struggle it will be that I will never take one moment with my family for granted. I will tell my child how much I love him/her every single day.

Tired of dissapointment!

I wish I could come on here just once and post something positive and wonderful but I guess it isn't time for that yet! I had to cancel the hysteroscopy and biopsy I had scheduled because I was bleeding so it is not scheduled for May 10th. I have been bleeding for 3 weeks today and I just pray that it stops in time to get the procedure done.
I spent most of the day crying today- I'm tired of feeling like crap! I dont like to complain to the people in my life because I know there is nothing they can do. I am tired of not being able to make my husbands dream come true. I hate myself for not making my inlaws grandparents. I am tired of not giving my sister and sister in law a niece or nephew. I hate this jealous person I have become. I am sick of dissapointing everyone. :(

Sorry to be such a downer! :(

Dissapointed again...

I had my ultrasound appointment on Monday after a month off. I don't know how this is possible but after just short of 60 days bleeding (only stopping because of taking meds) my lining is even thicker then it was before!! It is now at 22 mm! I'm disgusted! He said that I will have to bleed extra heavy for about three months to get my lining where it needs to be. I don't know how I can handle that- I had some bloodwork done that showed my hemoglobin is already low as is.
I'm booked for a hysteroscopy and biopsy on Monday so he can make sure its nothing else.
Oh well, I'll keep going. What choice do I have? Like I said before if it gets me closer to having a baby I will do anything.

Where we are now and what we have tried.

If you are trying to conceive for a while then you may know how I feel. There is nothing I would not try if I thought it would help my chances of getting pregnant!

We have been through all of the crappy test that come with infertility and I still consider it a small price to pay. I do charting and opk's.
We tried three cycles of Clomid so far- Every cycle growing decent follicles but not ovulating. Soooo frustrating! The last cycle left me with a large cyst on my right ovary and my endometrium lining is 20 mm!! (very thick!!) We are currently on a month off to see if the cyst takes care of itself. I am taking Prometrium to help me shed that thick lining and I am on my 45th day of bleeding! Yes- you read that correct 45th day of bleeding. I'm sick to death of it to say the least!

Oh well what else can I do but wait- isnt that something that infertility gives you lots of practice at?
My next appointment is April 5th at 8:30 am for another transvaginal ultrasound and I am hoping and praying for some good news!!!!!

Our journey so far...

Hello to anyone who may be reading my blog!
I am creating this as a way to document the journey that my husband and I are on trying to conceive our first child. I have wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember. I truly love kids.
When I met my husband I knew right away that he was the man I was meant to spend my life with. I wanted him as my partner in life and the father of my children. Thankfully, he felt the same way!! :)
We wasted no time when we made the decision to start creating our family in June 2007 but little did we know that it would not be as easy for us as we are made to believe it is in high school.
In the past 33 months we have shared more then our fair share of talks and tears, doctors appointments and intrusive procedures. It hasn't been fun but we both have the same goal and there is not much I would not do to become a mom!

So if anyone reads this leave me a comment so I know your around.